Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
