I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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