Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
