I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
