we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
