Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
