my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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