WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
