Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
