i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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