he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
