so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
