1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
