woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
