I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
