oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
