The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
