the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
