A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
