whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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