ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
