He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
