There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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