White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
