My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
