Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
