When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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