I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
