sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
