You're completely useless in the revolution.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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