so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
