He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
