I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
