Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
