If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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