Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
