Where is the hickey?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
