I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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