Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
