He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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