brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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