is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I will be naked everywhere
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
