I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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