Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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