walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
