and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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