Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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