i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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