I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
