So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
